Life

I am stressed right now

It’s been a long time since I experienced this kind of stress. I think the last time was probably in my final year of university with deadlines and exams looming. What a horrible feeling.

And yes I’ve felt moments of stress in the 2 years since graduating, trying to make YouTube work as my job and working in London but it’s always been manageable, until now. It feels like I have the equivalent of 3 full time jobs right. I have said “no” to so many opportunities and jobs this month and said “no” to drinks/coffees/catch ups with friends. Social life is on pause.

When I got back from Berlin I made a three week long to-do list. Every day was marked out with what I had to complete that day so that everything was done before I went away again. I am a very organised person which is great because it means I get things done. But if anything goes wrong out of my control, then I FREAK OUT.

And that has happened twice in the last week. And I’ve cried.

Everything is sorted now but oh my god. Last night I was up until 4am trying to fix some footage that Final Cut Pro decided was “missing”. I asked for help in a private Facebook group of YouTubers and Jamie (absolute angel thank you so much) had the answers. Back and forth on Facebook messenger with videos and screenshots. We finally worked it out and I have my footage and the video is done!

It genuinely felt like The Martian. Have you read that book or seen the film? The intensity, the stress levels, the high stakes. We would try one thing and it would work but then we’d find another problem. And then we’d fix that but then there’d be another unforeseen problem. But Jamie always had the answers. Like Mark Watney. It was exactly like The Martian!

I also got an email from my editor saying that she needs the first draft of my book by the end of next week. And I can’t push back the deadline anymore. This is it. My first draft has to be done. So I should probably stop writing this and start writing my book.

Wish me luck! I’m feeling stressed but I’m feeling positive. But I swear, if one more thing goes wrong I will have a breakdown. When was the last time you got so stressed you cried? Let me know in the comments to make me feel better.

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21 Comments

  1. Aw! I cried a few months ago when in the space of a week I had my car theory test, needed all my assignments for Uni handed in and I was moving house. I think it’s important to cry when feeling overwhelmed and stressed because it makes you feel better. I hope everything works out soon for you xx

  2. All day. I want to stay up all night but I can’t because I feel like I’m doing too much when I’m not. Currently want to binge watch shows before Election Day

  3. About a week and a bit ago when I was worrying about necessary things happening before I started 2nd year. I hope things calm down for you. Remember to try to sleep and drink water. Whilst its asll crazy take a moment to appreciate the moments. For soon they will be gone. I hope you have a nice time away again! I always love your blog posts as well as your videos. 😘🌜👌 xx

  4. Last time everything got kind of overwhelming and I just wasn’t able to hold pack the tears was on Monday. Been on an emotional roller coaster lately and getting stressed out about so many things and feeling a complete failure if I fail at something. Although i kind of know I shouldn’t but I just can’t help it. Thankfully this, too, shall pass 🙂

  5. I can so relate to your post right now.If sth goes not the way I wanted ot to go or of someone tells me sth bad which upsets me I’m a total mess and cry 🙁 hope everything goes ok with your work :* love you,Hannah 👸🏼

  6. This morning. My university department is so unorganised it makes it impossible to time manage effectively and I stress and cry about it all the time.

  7. A couple days ago actually. I was having a complete emotional breakdown because I suddenly got an email from my writing teacher giving us tons of assignments that would be due the next week. It was already midnight and I still had other work to do. I basically sat there attempting to get words down on the page through my nonstop tears. I happens to us all. Best of Luck xx❤️

  8. I have this feeling when I have a lot of work and and have My exams on the university…i think i cry the last week when i had 3 exam! In two days! It’s a horrible feeling but then the only things is think in positive! I hope you can do everything! Wish the best! 💪 you can do it! And try to relax and know that is not easy but is the best, go to run or walk that’s help me!

  9. Hi Hannah, I’m having a stress time too because I just started my Erasmus abroad in the UK and everything is exciting and new – but at the same time there is a grey cloud hanging over all of this. I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 3 months ago trying everything to forget him and the time we had but at the same time wishing to have it back. And then I failed my first exam ever. The second trial would be in November but because I’m not home I need to rewrite it next July! -.- I felt so bad because I know it’s no big deal but I practised and revised so much for this and now all I got is extra stress and worries 🙁 and if I fail again, I wont be able to study this subject ever again. So maybe everything I’m doing this year is useless…? I feel like a fuck-up. The only thing that I manage to do is find good friends and manage to keep them. 🙂 thats worth something

  10. I’ve had a lot of stress with family lately. I thought I was handling it well until I went to four different stores looking for my favourite biscuits, found out they were discontinued and ugly cried in aisle five.

  11. Good luck with everything!!! I think I always have a mental breakdown at the start of a new semester or something like that, because then I still have to do everything for that semester (I’m in college btw) and I’m always afraid that this time I won’t make it work. And instead of getting confidence from having succeeded so far, I keep worrying because every class is so different and has different demands etc. But it mostly fades away once I just begin with working on things. After a few days I just say to myself (and now I’ll say it to you): “you know what, you’ll make it work. It won’t be amazingly fun, and you might even fail, but just do the best that you can because your best is good enough”

  12. I am currently stressing VERY hard & I don’t have any friends that I could have a study session with. On my own I tend to do other stuff because that looks way more fun and ahhh I’ll be 18 in two weeks so everything is kind of stressing me out. It actually helped to see this post, so thank you!! If anyone can overcome this, it’s you, Hannah!!! Good luck 🙂

  13. How is it that you only had like two months to draft your book? (You announced it in early August, right?)That seems like a ridiculously tight timeline for someone who has never written one before.

  14. Hannah, you can go thru this. Be positive alright. I was scared that you were going to say that you will stop doing videos but fortunately that wasn’t the case. Kill it! Engage with people you will feel free. I love you. I was so tired then I saw your post on Facebook and I couldn’t stop myself from clicking it to read it. So don’t give up yet! It’s all worth one day. Have fun Hannah Witton! Teehee

  15. The last overwhelming and most stress bunny moment was back in June/July. It had been two/three months since the most experienced fellow employee had left and I was tasked with keeping the ball rolling. No pressure for only being there good few months.. (same job and it takes two of us to create stuff).

    It was going all fine and dandy until, one week in June/July, everything went horribly wrong: people pointing out mistakes left right a centre, overwhelming work that kept increasing… that button kept on getting pushed more and more till one perfectly normal toilet break turned into a approx 40 min breakdown. It was a first uncontrollable one… the one where just as you calm yourself down it comes back again type of ones… A fellow employee ended up searching for me as I was gone for quite a while.

    I’ve kind of learnt since then that: A) bottled up stress is never good, B) Always good to talk it out, C) we’re always learning and D) most of the time it isn’t your fault, even if your perfectionist brain says so.

    So, I guess I could say that… remember that your first draft isn’t going to be 100% perfect and, even if you really want to knuckle down and get it hashed out… do take breaks. It’ll help. 🙂 (best of luck!)

  16. Oh Hannah, might have to take a trip to London and give you a hug!!! Yep, I sense that you might be your harshest critic, it shows in the exceptional quality of your blogs. So, advice from an old Aussie, some personal time might be in order. These sort of episodes are a warning sign, an amber light if you will. It pays to heed the warning, talk it over with a friend, OR a stranger! It might mean a bit of pacing yourself, you’re in a marathon, not a sprint!
    Personally I get so much from your videos, so, take care and let us all share the burden a bit.
    Andrew

  17. Good luck with it all!! You’ve got this, Hannah! <3

    Last year I was worried I'd end up homeless, and I was so stressed about my finances I was a weepy mess for several days. I cry often anyway, but that time was because of stress. Thankfully, things worked out and I have a nice apartment of my own currently. Just keep #doingit 🙂

  18. Fair play sounds like you’ve got handle on it and i agree stress suuuuucks. had that feeling end of second year of uni when all of my assignments were in on the same week.

    hey just a suggestion have you ever thought of getting someone in an assistant type capacity. Kinda like how tomska has has elliot editing his footage for him or even literally someone doing your errands like sorting your bills out or if you have to wait in for a delivery like a sofa etc as have seen a few youtubers now doing this eg thenedledrop: again just a suggestion. but hey hope everything works out ok and love your content. keep it up you got this.

  19. My Dad always says he’s so busy he doesn’t have time for stress. And mostly that’s what I do. Just plough through and do one task at a time has worked out quite well. But earlier this year I was moving house, had a gazillion things to organize and was also quite emotional so I just sat next to my mum on the couch and cried. Sometimes you need to get it out before you can start again.

    Good luck for your book! Very excited for it!

  20. I just remembered when i cried the last time due to stress: when quitting a job january 2007. Shortly after that i spent half a year in hospital thanks to a major depression. I can’t remember crying there but THAT was stress. Massive. For many weeks. Physical pain included. I couldn’t even read properly. When i was trying to read a sentence i got the first 3 words and at the 4th word i already forgot the 1st one. That made reading a book pretty demanding, although better then jumping of a bridge every few seconds for the whole day.

    Well … since i’m writing here shows i survived that one. But things changed.

    I stopped lying for example. At the first days in hospital i realized that lying was one of the major faults that got me there. I did too many things that where not good for me for far too long. I lied to myself in too many ways.

    And I rarely feel stress anymore. I just stay in the moment, breathe, think, do what needs to be done right now. Just like the Martian. I realy like that movie, one of my alltime favorites. And in the movie is just one scene where Mark Watney raged or freaked out for a few seconds, then he switches back to problem solving mode.

    When things go wrong, just go Martian. Stick to the moment, breathe, think, get the stuff done. Crying helps to get pressure of the chest, so don’t blame yourself for it, just don’t let it block you in the wrong moment.

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