It’s been a long time since I experienced this kind of stress. I think the last time was probably in my final year of university with deadlines and exams looming. What a horrible feeling.
And yes I’ve felt moments of stress in the 2 years since graduating, trying to make YouTube work as my job and working in London but it’s always been manageable, until now. It feels like I have the equivalent of 3 full time jobs right. I have said “no” to so many opportunities and jobs this month and said “no” to drinks/coffees/catch ups with friends. Social life is on pause.
When I got back from Berlin I made a three week long to-do list. Every day was marked out with what I had to complete that day so that everything was done before I went away again. I am a very organised person which is great because it means I get things done. But if anything goes wrong out of my control, then I FREAK OUT.
And that has happened twice in the last week. And I’ve cried.
Everything is sorted now but oh my god. Last night I was up until 4am trying to fix some footage that Final Cut Pro decided was “missing”. I asked for help in a private Facebook group of YouTubers and Jamie (absolute angel thank you so much) had the answers. Back and forth on Facebook messenger with videos and screenshots. We finally worked it out and I have my footage and the video is done!
It genuinely felt like The Martian. Have you read that book or seen the film? The intensity, the stress levels, the high stakes. We would try one thing and it would work but then we’d find another problem. And then we’d fix that but then there’d be another unforeseen problem. But Jamie always had the answers. Like Mark Watney. It was exactly like The Martian!
I also got an email from my editor saying that she needs the first draft of my book by the end of next week. And I can’t push back the deadline anymore. This is it. My first draft has to be done. So I should probably stop writing this and start writing my book.
Wish me luck! I’m feeling stressed but I’m feeling positive. But I swear, if one more thing goes wrong I will have a breakdown. When was the last time you got so stressed you cried? Let me know in the comments to make me feel better.