Life

A message from my 20 year old self in a time of crisis

I’m writing this because my boyfriend promised that if I wrote a blog today he would write about how sexy I am and send it to me. I am a simple human.

In July I wrote about how unmotivated I felt. And 3 months later I feel the same. Nothing has changed.

I had a bit of a meltdown about the whole thing last night. I’m sad, frustrated and angry that this funk hasn’t lifted. And I’m scared it’s seeped out of my work life and into my social life. I’ve become more of an introvert lately and there’s nothing wrong with that but I don’t think it’s good for me.

On the one hand I’m much more comfortable in my own company now, I love nights in and relaxing. But the more I do it the more I want to continue staying in and going out and making plans with friends is EFFORT.

I can’t get myself motivated to do work and be productive and I can’t get myself motivated to see my friends.

In the middle of this crisis I received this tweet, a blog post I wrote in July 2012.

I had completely forgotten about this! And it’s officially 5 years since I wrote it. Is this some sort of weird sign or what?! Thank you Hanna Johnson for bringing this to my attention, you have no idea how much it means to me and how much I needed this right now.

I find it ironic how one of the things I was thinking about last night was how much I missed university and having a big friendship group who were just a 5 minute walk away and you were always making plans. Trying to socialise in London as an adult is so different and a much more lonely experience. But 5 years ago I was so impatient to finish university and move on with my life.

Reading this calmed me down last night and helped me gain perspective on how far I’ve come.

  • I graduated from the University of Birmingham with a First in History.
  • I’ve lived in London for 3 years – housemates including YouTubers, musicians, artists, doctors etc.
  • I work full time in video-making, social media, writing and sex & relationships education.
  • I wrote a whole educational book about sex and relationships!
  • New York is off the cards at the moment (*ahem* Donal Trump) but I still visit regularly.
  • I’m planning on staying in London for a while seeing as I’m in the process of buying a flat!

And I’m still only 25.

This helped me last night but it hasn’t shaken my funk completely. But it’s baby-steps. Today I’m writing this blog post (even if it took my boyfriend’s sneaky dealmaking to get me motivated). Tomorrow I’m going over to my old housemate from uni’s flat to hang out with uni folks. And I’m going to book a doctors appointment to figure out if this mood change could have been caused by going back on the Pill…

Oh yeah *PLOT TWIST*.

I went back on the Pill just before my holiday in Greece. And this feeling started after I got back. Obviously, that isn’t proof or conclusive evidence but I’m not ruling it out as a possibility.

Any words of wisdom or support would be greatly appreciated. Have you ever had a motivational slump with work/life? How long did it last? How did you manage to shake it?

I always have been a future orientated person but last night showed me that sometimes it does help to look back in order to move forward.

 

Written By

12 Comments

  1. Hi Hannah,

    i’ve just read your last post, and i have to tell you that i really admire you, and i love your YT channel.
    I am just like you are, I also make plans to make plans and always in the middle of a life experience I want to jump to the next.

    Besides that, I recently changed my contraception from the vaginal ring to the pill, and my mood changed considerably – I could not even think about going out at night, make any kind of party plans, or even have a normal sexual life with my partner. It took me a month and a half to realize that the mood change begun just when I started having the pill, so I went back to the ring and things are coming back to normality (even if I have never been a wild part animal, I’ve never felt so introvert than when I was in the pill).

    That’s obviously my personal experience, but maybe it can help you out a bit.

    xoxo

  2. I think a lot of us have moments like this, i definitely recall them from my mid-twenties, and even now (in the doteage of my early thirties) it can be the same. You have done a lot, and life moves at lightening speed. We live in an age where if we’re not constantly doing (and documenting) we fear something’s wrong, it’s ok to have quiet time, to retreat, to get on with life and resurface when it’s good for you to do so. As long as you remember to get around to it and don’t cut off connections taking time is cool xx

  3. Hey Hannah!

    I must say this post is really amazing, I really like how positively oriented you are! I was told motivation is always there, we just need to set ourselves to get somewhere and find the reason why we truly want to get there. And then we start walking.

    Honestly, I’ve been having a motivational slump pretty much my whole life, with occasional breaks when I actually felt really motivated and got something done. So I am in the process of turning my life around and start living it. Appreciating it. Enjoying it.

    Oh, and congratulations on buying your flat!! I am kind of the same age and just officially ended being a student and became unemployed and completely broke. So I am very happy to see that it doesn’t have to be like this. That there are endless possibilities.

    I wish you much love and happiness!
    Gala

  4. Will you be writing about the process of buying a flat? Would love to hear your thoughts/tips/how you decided where you wanted to buy etc etc.

  5. I don’t get times like these anymore. I have a family to keep me sane and motivated, they make me laugh everyday without even realising. My dog is another source of much amusement, mainly because her Facebook page has more likes and followers than I do. I drink too much coffee but I’m left alone to figure that out for myself. When the kids, dog and coffee are not enough I get on my motorcycle and indulge in a little me time.
    Chin up..your best days are yet to come 😁

  6. Hello Hannah

    I really feel you. Recently I have graduated from university and since then I feel very unmotivated. I know it’s just a period between student life and work life, but it is difficult to grab myself together at the moment.

    I guess it’s necessary to go into this feeling, just acknowledge it and give yourself time (maybe even more than 3-4 months, in my case as well). I try to keep doing things I like and enjoy free time I got before a new step in my life – start working.

    I hope this motivational slump will pass soon for you (for both of us:)). And hopefully something amazing will happen to shake us up.

    Cheers <3

  7. I’ve had them a few times, the worst one lasted for about a year before I decided that I had to change something in my life to get out of it. I changed my sleeping rhythm, started doing yoga regularly, socialised with friends who I felt comfortable enough with and started reading more books instead of watching tv. I also like to plan things and planning for the future helped a little. What I think really made a difference, in the end, was me coming off the pill. My hormones were crazy for a while after, but then they calmed down and I’ve been feeling more motivated, excited and have wanted to socialise with people. I can’t say for sure which was the real help, but I feel coming off the pill for me personally was helpful.

  8. Thank you (and dan) for writing this ! I’m 26 , feel like I’ve been having a mid life crisis for the last year. It’s been especially worse for the last 6 months. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO , career wise. There’s too many options .

    The mid 20s . Ahhh.

  9. I felt a lot of the same things you are describing when I first went on the pill freshman year of college! I had meltdowns and felt unmotivated and introverted and confused and not optimistic about the future. (You can imagine how well that went having just moved to college…) I ended up coming off the pill after switching a couple times because my mental health was just not ok while I was on it. Now I still have slumps but they don’t feel so permanent and I can look forward and backwards on my life and learn and get excited again about what’s to come.

  10. I actually remember reading that blogpost when you wrote it! I’ve had motivational slumps before. The antidote is to put reals over feels and to do it, anyway. “Not being motivated” can actually be your biggest excuse. Sure, you may not be motivated, but you can be committed! I don’t think you should rule out New York, just yet. Trump is actually doing a better job than most US Presidents do if you look at his actual policies. There have been far worse Presidents in the USA, like George W. Bush and Richard Nixon, yet we got along just fine (I’m American, from New York! Hi!) Donald Trump hasn’t stopped the city that never sleeps. If you want to move here, I encourage you to do so. I think you’ll like Brooklyn.

    1. Correction: It wasn’t when you wrote it. I just remembered that I didn’t know about your channel until 2014. It was another blog post about being the only single person in your group of friends that I conflated with it. Sorry, it’s like 5 AM here. Just got up and not fully awake.

  11. Not that related, but slightly – were there any other side effects from going back on your pill? I stopped taking mine because I wanted to see if my mood/motivation would improve. Honestly I’ve no idea if it did work or not, the only difference I can really notice is suddenly putting on a few pounds. Has going back on the pill reversed the weight-gain you discussed? I’m worried if I go back on I’ll get all the bad pill-break side effects and feel worse about everything.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *