I am the most unproductive I’ve been in years right now.
I need some motivational blog posts. I need that push. But I look at them and it makes me want to vomit. They’re cheesy and everything seems unattainable and what am I doing with my life help?!
I thought after I got back from my zen out no internet holiday in Greece I would jump right back into work and be so productive. But instead work has jumped all over me and I’ve lay down and cried.
And I know what it is that’s doing this to me. It has been over three months since my book came out and I still haven’t recovered from “post-project blues”.
I have no idea what to do with myself!
Yes I’ve got work on, things to do, but they’re small. Menial little tasks. Videos, blogs, meetings. Nothing BIG.
I have new big project ideas running around my head but I haven’t got my teeth sunk into anything yet and to be honest with you I’m scared to. I see the huge amount of workload I’ll have once these projects get off the ground and it terrifies me!
I’m sad. I’m in a funk. I’m slacking off and I don’t know how to get out of this cycle.
The other problem is that I’m a sucker for routine and schedules. I love my self-made 9-5 job where I take evenings and weekends off and my kitchen is my office.
But when there’s no work to do, or I’m not in the mood to do any work, I wake up as normal, get ready, sit down at the kitchen table and stay there all day as I procrastinate and wollow in my unproductive sadness.
Go outside for fucks sake, Hannah!
I had to cancel a thing I was supposed to be doing today because of the weather but IT HASN’T RAINED. Bloody weather man. I could have done it today and felt really good. Instead I sat in my kitchen watching YouTube videos instead of getting a head start on something else.
Wasting time is my nemesis. I hate it. I feel so shitty because of it.
I have these days every now and then and I always wake up the next day super productive and feeling great but this feeling just keeps coming back. These days have become more and more regular since finishing my book.
For the last 2 months I have had continuous mouth ulcers. One will start to get better and another will appear. It is so damn painful. One of the causes of mouth ulcers is stress. Clearly not working, being unproductive and not having something to focus my mind on stresses me out.
I just got back from such a relaxing holiday and I still feel like this! Help!
Anyway, this is not another motivational blog post and I won’t be reading any because they don’t help. I’m going outside.