I’m writing this because my boyfriend promised that if I wrote a blog today he would write about how sexy I am and send it to me. I am a simple human.
In July I wrote about how unmotivated I felt. And 3 months later I feel the same. Nothing has changed.
I had a bit of a meltdown about the whole thing last night. I’m sad, frustrated and angry that this funk hasn’t lifted. And I’m scared it’s seeped out of my work life and into my social life. I’ve become more of an introvert lately and there’s nothing wrong with that but I don’t think it’s good for me.
On the one hand I’m much more comfortable in my own company now, I love nights in and relaxing. But the more I do it the more I want to continue staying in and going out and making plans with friends is EFFORT.
I can’t get myself motivated to do work and be productive and I can’t get myself motivated to see my friends.
In the middle of this crisis I received this tweet, a blog post I wrote in July 2012.
— Hanna Johnson (@Hannasojohnson) October 9, 2017
I had completely forgotten about this! And it’s officially 5 years since I wrote it. Is this some sort of weird sign or what?! Thank you Hanna Johnson for bringing this to my attention, you have no idea how much it means to me and how much I needed this right now.
I find it ironic how one of the things I was thinking about last night was how much I missed university and having a big friendship group who were just a 5 minute walk away and you were always making plans. Trying to socialise in London as an adult is so different and a much more lonely experience. But 5 years ago I was so impatient to finish university and move on with my life.
Reading this calmed me down last night and helped me gain perspective on how far I’ve come.
- I graduated from the University of Birmingham with a First in History.
- I’ve lived in London for 3 years – housemates including YouTubers, musicians, artists, doctors etc.
- I work full time in video-making, social media, writing and sex & relationships education.
- I wrote a whole educational book about sex and relationships!
- New York is off the cards at the moment (*ahem* Donal Trump) but I still visit regularly.
- I’m planning on staying in London for a while seeing as I’m in the process of buying a flat!
And I’m still only 25.
This helped me last night but it hasn’t shaken my funk completely. But it’s baby-steps. Today I’m writing this blog post (even if it took my boyfriend’s sneaky dealmaking to get me motivated). Tomorrow I’m going over to my old housemate from uni’s flat to hang out with uni folks. And I’m going to book a doctors appointment to figure out if this mood change could have been caused by going back on the Pill…
Oh yeah *PLOT TWIST*.
I went back on the Pill just before my holiday in Greece. And this feeling started after I got back. Obviously, that isn’t proof or conclusive evidence but I’m not ruling it out as a possibility.
Any words of wisdom or support would be greatly appreciated. Have you ever had a motivational slump with work/life? How long did it last? How did you manage to shake it?
I always have been a future orientated person but last night showed me that sometimes it does help to look back in order to move forward.