Quarter Life Crisis

It’s happening. People have told me that I’m too young to be going through a quarter life crisis. However, I think I’m too old. I’m 23 now and if this is one quarter of my life than I’m assuming that I’m going to live until I’m 92. Doubtful, very doubtful.

But the ‘quarter life crisis’ has been coined to describe people in their 20s who have NO F***ING CLUE WHAT TO DO WITH THEIR LIVES. I have been having trouble with this recently and so I just wanted to vent, tell you my symptoms and maybe give you some solutions.

I actually really enjoy my job. Being a freelancer is awesome but I don’t have a lot of money. I’m making things up as I go along and I have no idea what I’ll be doing in six months time. I am terrifyingly aware that my success in my chosen field relies heavily on being relevant. What if one day no-one cares about me and then I have to start from scratch and find a whole new career? Also, I have a new desire to start exploring new forms of content like short films or documentary web series. But I have no idea where to start and even less of a clue if I’ll be any good at it.

I have not been able to maintain a long term serious relationship for four years. Sometimes it’s been my choice, sometimes I’ve messed up, sometimes they’ve messed up, sometimes it’s been mutual. But every time, it doesn’t work out. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my choices and my relationship status but it has only been in the last few months where the dangerous thought of “is there something wrong with me?” has popped into my head. Go away! I am perfectly fine! I made a whole video about this kind of pressure.

There are other things too like family relationships; realising you may not have much time left with them and you haven’t spent enough with them so far. Friendships; making friends as an adult is hard. I have no idea how to do it. Your living situation; maybe you’re still at your parents or maybe you live in a shit hole and you’re blowing all your savings on rent.

Here is how I’m solving my quarter life crisis: running away. Next month I am going on holiday to Japan and South Korea and I can’t wait to get some good distance away from everything to give myself the headspace to put everything into perspective.

Are any of you guys experiencing the same thing and how are you dealing with it? Comment below!

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  1. Yeah, I’m 22 and the crisis is so happening. I have no idea what to do with my life and I’m so stressed out about my future that I just try to keep myself busy at all times to avoid thinking about it.

  2. I feel this entirely and an overwhelming amount recently. I have a “good” job but I spend most of the time waiting until I can go home. Also never been in a relationship and to be honest not to sure what I’m doing. The way I deal with it is partly running away from it but mostly confiding in those I hold close (over wine…and some more wine) because 9/10 they can offer some really good suggestions. Life is a weird one. Have fun on your holiday! Hope it offers some clarity x

  3. Great article! You know, there’s a book called “Quarterlife Crisis” by Alexandra Robbins that talk about some of the crisis that twenty something’s go through in their relationships, careers, etc. It’s been written in the early 2000s, but the crisis in the book is still relevant to twenty something’s today.

  4. I really appreciated this, just had a similar incident where a relationship never fully developed and i’m lucky enough to still be very good friends with her, but it’s nice to know that i’m not alone in the whole “whats wrong with me? am i going to find anyone?” thing. Like if you talk to parents and people older than you they say “you’re still young, you don’t need be settling down yet” which drives me insane, you feel the way you do for a reason, you’re age should be irrelevant! but yeah really appreciated this 😀

  5. I had this when I turned 22, so I quit my ‘ok’ job and went to Uni to train to be a children’s nurse. I’m in 2nd year now and have just turned 25. It’s very unsettling seeing all your friends in good jobs, with a house, reliable car and a good relationship, when personally I’m just hoping I’m going to make it through the next assignment and if I don’t….. Then WHAT?!? I am in a long term relationship but that’s also stuck in a rut as neither of us have the time or money to move onto the next bit! Conclusion: even when you do the ‘sorting a career out’ bit, getting through it when you are surrounded by others overtaking you in life is also pretty scary and frustrating!

    Don’t leave me behind!!!

  6. As someone who’s decided on their vocation early (I’m trying to break into TV writing), I find that I’m actually quite jealous of your life. I’m going to be 24 in April and I still live at home and I work a night shift in a supermarket (I often accuse myself of arrested development) — I traded the maturity and independence of a decent 9 to 5 with a livable wage for time to write scripts. I’m sometimes grateful that I know what I want for my life, but I know if I wasn’t so worried about losing my focus and passion for writing, then I would probably be in a better position in life. The trip to S. Korea and Japan will be good for you — you’ll get to just be present and out of your head and the big picture won’t matter so much, because you really, really needn’t worry about it. Knowing what you want for your life won’t necessarily be the answer to it; I’m still waiting for the day I’ll have to give up my dream and grow the fuck up.

  7. Call it quarter life crisis, monthly freak out, growing up or simply life. I graduated from university in december and had one life crisis after the next. I’m turning 22 this year and I feel like I already had my fair share of freakouts and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Although while going through all of this (which I can relate to very well) it seems like nothing good is going to come from it, trust me, it will.

    Also, I feel like once you start questioning one aspect of your life, let’s say your career choice, you get into this endless circle of questioning everything in your life – I feel ya, I do this all the time! I think the best thing is to take a timeout/talk about it and just relax. Gain some energy to then go out and kick some ass. Take a risk – take advantage of your freedom. Do the things you might not be able to do in 10 years and let’s be a little cliché and carpe diem 😉

  8. I’m in the same boat. I’m 23 and graduated nearly 2 years ago and still have no freaking clue what I’m doing. I feel like I’m waiting for my life to truly begin but it’s just not happening.

  9. Can I just join you on your trip to Japan? I could translate for you, be a tourguide or something. I lived in Kyoto for a couple of months, I think I can still manage. And I could really use the break.

    I`m 25 now, and have been in a crisis like this for a very long time. I haven`t been able to get a “proper” job that I studied for, and I`ve been unemployed on and off. Most other jobs I`ve had didn`t work out for different reasons (sexist colleagues who wouldn`t allow the girls to do anything because “just let the men do it”, jobs in tourism don`t do well outside of touristy seasons, callcenter jobs that put me on the verge of suicide, it`s been tough). I`ve never had a relationship, not for lack of interest (but definitely a lack of both luck and guts). It`s all making me wonder if 1) something is horribly terribly wrong with me and 2) if it`s ever going to work out okay or that 3) maybe I`m just one of those people that should give up and stop trying because it`s just not going to work out.

    I`m in therapy at the moment, and outside of the regular cognitive behavioural therapy my therapist is also starting me on group therapy, but the timings of both sessions are messing with the hours of my newly acquired job that`s already suggesting to fire me if things go on like this.

    I also have ideas for filmmaking, documentaries and sketches and the like and I`d LOVE to do them but being pretty much alone in this region with just a broken camera and only a tablet to edit on, it`s not happening soon.

  10. Also 23, also going through quarter life crisis. Although I think I’ve been going through it for a few years. Currently studying but panicking that I won’t be good enough to get into the field that I want. Working and studying but still struggling to make ends meet. Can’t afford to move out with my boyfriend and I know it’s going to take time but it sucks. So I’m running away to Egypt for 2 weeks in July. Contemplated moving to Australia. That’s my ultimate backup plan though if my life goes to shit.

  11. Ahh I relate a RIDICULOUS amount. I’m 23 and just got made redundant a few weeks ago which triggered a monumental quarter life crisis as I don’t even know if I’m in a career I really enjoy.. and there’s so many things I want to pursue but I feel like I don’t have the access or the money?! And I feel you on the relationship front. (It doesn’t really help all my friends are constantly trying to fix me up with random guys because they’re certain I must be terribly lonely being single) I wish I could escape and come to Japan with you! You’re definitely not alone and you will find your way – you’ve found so much success on YouTube and I have no doubt the rest will follow 🙂 Have a brilliant time and I hope the space gives you a bit of perspective and inspiration. Much love to you!

  12. Can relate so much! I’m 28 and I still don’t really know what I’m doing. No job, no money to speak of, no sense of real belonging; I feel like I’m too old to be staying with my parents and mooching off my boyfriend, and even though I know they love me and will support me as much as they can, I feel like I’m overdue for some wings of my own. Lately though the beginnings of a plan have been shaping up, I’m really hoping that by summer things start looking up for me.

  13. Yeah I just turned 22, spent 3 years getting a bachelors degree in something I don’t want to do, never had a relationship of any kind, only work casual, still living at home and not enjoying it at all, and have anxiety getting in the way of pursuing what I actually want to do, which is acting. I just thought id be further than I am now you know? Im doing the same thing as you, I’m Australian and next year I’m going to live and work in London for 4 months if all goes to plan! Also its so hard making friends at this age, which is why you should make internet friends! Id love to make more friends too, and we are both Hufflepuffs so if we become friends its pretty much a guaranteed life long kind of friendship.

  14. It;s a heavy weight you’re carrying. But i know the feeling.
    I quite my studys and had to move back in with my mother. I feel like a failure. A good friend passed away, which filled me with sadness. Had to find a job so i had an income. I found one, but i have to work really hard and don’t make enough money to live on my own.
    Then there is all those questions about life en what do i do with it. What will i do with my life. I have to find a new study so i will have a better income (eventually) and hopefully something i like to do.
    And then, the one thing i had left from my old life. My boyfriend. The one who helped me trough all those things. He ended the relationship. The one thing i could count on is gone.

    So here i am. Wondering what to do with all myself. And don’t knowing what i would do next.

    Running away from your problems is not the answer. But maybe it gives you answers about the questions you have for yourself.

  15. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until two years ago when I was 28. I was also a history major. I went back to school to figure out what I wanted to do. Don’t freak out to much you are still very young! You will figure it out it just takes time.

  16. I turned 29 a few months ago and I’ve been unemployed for over 2.5 years. There are things I want to do but I simply don’t have the cash for it.

    On top of that I’ve never been in a relationship, or gone on a date. Next year I turn 30 and I will cease to be a 20-something… the thought that I’ve wasted all of that time makes me feel terrible. With my history of mental health problems I don’t think I’ll make it through.

  17. I’m 24 and have been questioning some things as well. After many talks with my parents and friends I realized that it was me who was making myself miserable by questioning myself and thinking I could not do it. Around two weeks ago after another talk I decided that this summer every couple of days I will be going to the local beach and do some rediscovering myself there I think it will no doubt be helpful. I also am moving to Florida in the fall. Don’t give up yet Hannah we are young and we don’t know fully yet what we can truly do. I’m sure we will find our answers this time. Thanks for making this post it is nice to know that there are other people going through something such as this as well. While I don’t know you personally I will say that I know you will find your answers. Let’s both do our best to rediscover are self’s.

  18. I feel this post so much!!

    I am 20 and finish university for good in a few weeks and ugh, the whirlwind of stress in my head is overwhelming. Some are pressuring me into getting straight into a job, some are telling me to take my time and don’t rush, my own head doesn’t know how to cope with tomorrow. I don’t know what I want to do, I really don’t. And at the same time I don’t want to waste my months and years doing things I do not see benefiting my future.

    Then the whole relationship thing is similar to yours. I was last in a relationship when I was 17 and have only “seen” people since then and there are so many doubts about whether I am a good, fun and loving person. Maybe I just have a heart made of stone, but surely someone loves stone hearts?!

    I guess I cope by getting through each day and really trying to think of what I want. That, and looking at dream houses on RightMove and Pinterest.

  19. Oh I’m totally the same! Four years is also my high score at the moment and whenever I get the relationship itch it vanishes just as quickly. I’m still trying to find a way to be myself in a relationship and compromise as there’s someone else’s feelings.
    I have not succeeded so far!

  20. I am with you on this quarter-life crisis! I am on the verge of 23 and in just about the same situation as you are! I think it’ll be good for you to get some space and Asia is amazing! 🙂 Hope you figure it all out and I am anxious to hear about any new perspectives! Personally, I’m just dealing with it by going back to basics by pursuing what makes me happy ^^

  21. I just discovered this post and I LOVE it! I think I may be on the verge of a Quarter Life Crisis as well. I really enjoyed your video and your take on “soulmates”. I have always thought this phenomenon with having one person out there just for you to be such an obscure and ridiculous notion. Like you said in your video, there are so many ways for that to go wrong. I think “soulmates” is more of a depressing concept than a hopeful one.

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