Recently I was telling a friend about my school bully and I wished her a horrible life. “You don’t really mean that, do you?” my friend asked and yeah, he was right. I didn’t want her to be miserable her whole life just because she was a bit of a dick when she was 13. But that doesn’t take away from how much she hurt me all those years ago. So even though I’m a nice person and I don’t want her to die in a freak accident or anything dramatic like that, I do want her to suffer. Just a little bit. And so my friend and I came up with a list of revenges that nice people can wish for without corrupting their morality. Did I mention that we were drunk when we came up with this list?
I hope you have a boring job.
I hope the council forget to pick up your bins one week.
I hope you wait for an Amazon package and you’re home all day but you still got a “sorry we missed you” note.
I hope you hate your boss.
I hope your fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night just once but enough to wake you.
I hope your housemate’s alarm goes off when they are already in the shower and you can hear it through the walls and it’s 45 minutes before you have to be up.
I hope your favourite shirt shrinks in the wash.
I hope you’re sat on the toilet and have finished your business when you realise that you’re out of toilet paper.
I hope you step on lego.
Congratulations! You can now feel the satisfaction of wishing revenge upon someone who hurt you but you can sleep at night knowing you are still a nice person overall.
Please come up with your own in the comments!