Revenge for Nice People

Recently I was telling a friend about my school bully and I wished her a horrible life. “You don’t really mean that, do you?” my friend asked and yeah, he was right. I didn’t want her to be miserable her whole life just because she was a bit of a dick when she was 13. But that doesn’t take away from how much she hurt me all those years ago. So even though I’m a nice person and I don’t want her to die in a freak accident or anything dramatic like that, I do want her to suffer. Just a little bit. And so my friend and I came up with a list of revenges that nice people can wish for without corrupting their morality. Did I mention that we were drunk when we came up with this list?

I hope you have a boring job.

I hope the council forget to pick up your bins one week.

I hope you wait for an Amazon package and you’re home all day but you still got a “sorry we missed you” note.

I hope you hate your boss.

I hope your fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night just once but enough to wake you.

I hope your housemate’s alarm goes off when they are already in the shower and you can hear it through the walls and it’s 45 minutes before you have to be up.

I hope your favourite shirt shrinks in the wash.

I hope you’re sat on the toilet and have finished your business when you realise that you’re out of toilet paper.

I hope you step on lego.

Congratulations! You can now feel the satisfaction of wishing revenge upon someone who hurt you but you can sleep at night knowing you are still a nice person overall.

Please come up with your own in the comments!

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  1. I hope you get really really hungry for a pizza (like REALLY hungry for a pizza, Homer-drooling for a pizza) and that your pizza is really really bad when you finally eat it. 😀

  2. I hope that you get a massive zit in the middle of your face the day before your wedding or other special occasion in which lots of photos will be taken.

    ….Perhaps too mean? Maybe not.

  3. I hope that when you really want a cup of tea, you finish making it and only as you go to add the milk do you realise your flatmate finished it and put the empty carton back in the fridge!

  4. Hi Hannah, has anyone ever apologised to you for being a bully? And if they did would you still feel the same way?

    I was bullied in some cases and was the bully in others. I’ve apologised to all those I caused grief and now we’re friends. Similarly I have had a few apologise to me and it did feel a bit like they valued me as a person 🙂

  5. I hope that after you’ve come home from buying a book/dvd/cd that you’ve been excited to buy for forever; you’ve realized upon opening the case (or taking off the dust jacket) it’s the wrong book/dvd/cd.

    You can thank my subconscious for cooking this up. Worst dream EVER!!
    Sidenote: Am I the only one who still buys CDs? …yes Emily you are. I also feel as if I should be considered a super villain if this happens.

  6. Lol! Those were great! : ) Let’s see:

    May you have an itch right after you’ve done your nails and they’re still wet.

    May you forget to charge your phone before you leave for a long trip, and have to wait until you arrive to recharge it.

    May you have a bad hair day the next time you run into someone you once bullied so they can have the last laugh.

    I hope those aren’t too horrible. Lol. I’ve never deliberately bullied anyone, but I worry that people have thought of me as one in the past because I do come on a bit strong at times. I do my best to be a nice person, though. Thanks for the laugh, Hannah! : )

  7. I hope you forgot to replace your milk and end up having sour milk in your coffee and breakfast
    I hope you suck a cooking
    I hope you get stuck in traffic
    I hope you are forced to see someone on a daily basis you dislike
    I hope you get a job that is stressful and shows you reality, so you can learn empathy
    I hope you end up with really noisy neighbours that constantly play their music like all the time.

  8. I hope that after your death, you will feel a terrible urge to pee.
    But you can’t.
    Because you’re dead.
    And so your bodyless soul will have a phantom full bladder.
    For eternity.
    (Well maybe not for eternity, that wouldn’t be nice. Perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes, or however they measure time in the afterlife.)

  9. Almost twice month for the past six months and a special 5 times in a week, the fire alarm goes off in my halls. I guess that is a lot of revenge on behalf of nice people happening where I live ^_^

  10. Love this, Hannah! What a fun take on “karma” for people who of course would never directly wish awful things on a person, just nuisances. Though as we all know, success is the best revenge, the second best is no toilet paper!
    My own:
    I hope that you thoroughly plan a perfect party, for whatever occasion, and the weather forecast says sunny; when everything is set up (and not at all rain-proof!), it gets rained out and you have to re-plan for a new day.
    But they’d still have their party! I’d feel too bad if they never got it at all…

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